Hanging out with my girlfriends and one of them said her daughter wanted to participate in an event she knew she didn’t have the skills for. My friend who is a great mom didn’t want her child to experience the heartache of failing at the same time she didn’t want to discourage her child.
We all had different views on how she should handle the situation, I thought she should allow the child to attempt it and my other friend felt she shouldn’t She recounted an incidence in her childhood where her parents encouraged her to get on stage and she was booed. It scarred her.
I also thought about an incidence in my childhood where I thought I was the best traditional dancer, because my parents praise me each time I danced, then one day I saw myself dancing and realized I was not as good as I thought. I guess I can’t compare mine incidence to my other friend who got her realization from an external source.
A friend of mine thought we should be honest with our kids concerning their skill level or how well they are doing, but I wonder aren’t we always exaggerating how well they are doing. We shower them with praises like “GREAT” job for doing basic things. We clap, we dance. Why would this be any different? To every “how am I doing mom?” We respond “Great!”. We don’t want to be that parent that says “Its okay but you could do a little better”.
I personally I am for letting a child do attempt a deed at least once even if I think they will not succeed.
We teach our children to succeed how about we teach them to fail. This is a controlled environment for failure, we will be there, we can teach them the lesson of keep trying or the lesson that not everyone will be honest with you or the lesson that there difference between a little effort and a lot more effort.
I want my kids to want to try everything even if they think they can’t succeed, I want them to try it, I don’t want them to break down because they encounter one failure, I want them to try it even when they are afraid. I also want them to experience failure because failures are a part of life, a part of success.
So I believe part of our parenting “to dos” which are so many by the way is preparing our children for failure. And we can only achieve that by allowing them to encounter failures.